Broken On Purpose

Why You Should Stop Praying for Outcomes and Start Praying for Alignment

I ended my engagement sitting in my mom’s house in Kansas City… in couples therapy. He was in Dallas. I was back home.

And I said the words I had been avoiding for months: “This isn’t right.”

There was no fight, no dramatic moment, just a quiet decision that changed everything.

When the session ended, I just sat there. The ring was off. The plan was gone.

And I felt two things at the same time: grief… and peace. And that confused me. Because how could something hurt that much and still feel right?

I didn’t feel peace because I stopped loving him.

I felt peace because I stopped ignoring myself.

And that’s when I realized something I wish more women talked about:

I knew before I ended it. I just didn’t listen.

When You Move Fast Emotionally, You Overlook Slowly

When we first met, I was excited. And I think a lot of women can relate to this — when you meet someone who checks a few boxes, you move fast.

You start imagining, projecting, planning a future before you’ve fully examined the present.

I remember writing in my journal that I wanted a man of God. That was important to me.

So when I met someone who said he loved God, I thought — okay, this works. But what I didn’t understand at the time was the difference between someone who says they love God and someone who is spiritually aligned.

The Bible says, “By their fruit you will recognize them.” — Matthew 7:16.

Fruit takes time.

And when you move fast emotionally, you don’t give yourself time to observe. You minimize misalignment, rationalize red flags, and tell yourself, “We’ll grow together.”

But growth requires two people moving in the same direction.

The Truth I Had to Face

If I’m honest, I spent a long time trying to convince myself to stay.

I told myself I was overthinking. I told myself nobody is perfect. I told myself this is just what relationships look like.

And the hardest part? Nothing was obviously wrong.

He wasn’t a bad man. He was loyal. He provided. He had good character.

Which made it even harder to leave.

But at some point, I had to get honest with myself. I didn’t just want alignment — I wanted to be chosen.

And when your identity is rooted in being chosen by a person instead of being secure in who you are and who God created you to be, you will settle.

Not intentionally, not consciously, but subtly.

Because validation can feel like confirmation.

Peace Doesn’t Require Convincing

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is this: peace doesn’t require convincing.

If you have to constantly talk yourself into something, there’s a good chance your spirit has already spoken.

But we override it because it’s not always loud.

Discernment doesn’t shout — it whispers. And fear negotiates.

I wasn’t staying because he was wrong. I was staying because I was scared. Scared to start over, scared to disappoint people, scared to let go of the future I had already imagined.

The Way We Pray Matters

And this is where I had to confront something uncomfortable. I realized I wasn’t praying for clarity — I was praying for outcomes.

I was asking God to fix him, to make it work, to turn it into what I wanted it to be.

But I wasn’t asking, “God, is this even for me?”

And control can sound really holy sometimes.

It can look like faith, but there’s a difference between surrender and negotiation.

Abraham, Sarah… and Forcing What Isn’t Aligned

There’s a story in the Bible that completely changed how I see this.

Abraham and Sarah were promised a son. God gave them a clear promise, but time passed and nothing happened.

And when the promise feels delayed, impatience starts to feel justified.

So Sarah came up with a solution: “Maybe this is how we help God.”

Abraham agreed, and Ishmael was born — not from promise, but from impatience.

Now here’s the part we don’t talk about enough: impatience didn’t just create the wrong outcome, it changed Sarah.

She lost her peace. She became resentful. The situation she tried to control started controlling her.

She mistreated her servant so badly that the servant had to be sent away. She acted out of character, out of alignment, out of who she was.

And that’s what happens when we force what isn’t meant for us. We don’t just create the wrong thing — we become someone we don’t recognize in the process.

Ishmael wasn’t evil, but he wasn’t the promise.

And sometimes we do the same thing. We force relationships, opportunities, and timelines — not because we’re wrong, but because we’re tired of waiting, because uncertainty feels uncomfortable, because we don’t trust the timing.

But just because something exists doesn’t mean it’s aligned. Sometimes we pray, “God, bless this,” and God is saying, “That’s not Isaac.”

Stop Praying for Outcomes

This changed everything for me.

Instead of praying, “God, make this work,” I started praying, “God, reveal truth.

God, remove anything that isn’t aligned.

God, give me discernment stronger than my desires.”

Because you can be holding onto the very thing that’s blocking your peace.

Where I Am Now

Today, I’m back in my own space. Rebuilding my life. But this time, I’m doing it differently.

I’m paying attention to my body. I’m listening to my intuition. I’m no longer ignoring what feels off just because something looks right.

I’m putting God first — not my desires, not my timeline, not my expectations.

I’m no longer compromising my standards for comfort. I’m no longer settling for validation. I’m choosing alignment.

And that doesn’t mean I have all the answers. It doesn’t mean everything is perfectly clear.

But it does mean I trust what God is doing more than I trust what I can control.

I’m learning how to wait without forcing, how to trust without rushing, how to walk away without second guessing myself.

Because a woman’s power isn’t in how long she can hold on — it’s in her ability to discern and walk away from what isn’t aligned.

Questions to Sit With

Where in your life are you negotiating? Is there something that feels unsettled, but you keep convincing yourself it’s fine? Are you praying for outcomes instead of alignment?

Are you holding onto something because it feels safe, even though it doesn’t feel peaceful?

And if the thing you’re asking God to keep is the very thing blocking your growth… would you have the courage to let it go?

Final Thought

I thought I was losing everything when I ended my engagement, but what I was really doing was choosing alignment, choosing peace, choosing growth, choosing obedience, and trusting that what’s meant for me won’t require me to ignore myself to keep it.

Because peace doesn’t require convincing.